When dating a single parent, there’s a certain level of understanding that becomes the norm because there’s a child in the picture. And if one of the partners within the couple is not a parent, they’ve got it to know that dates need to be planned, late-night phone calls aren’t always ideal, and among other things, the kid(s) are generally going to come first. But, when we read this story about a woman dating a man who wants to bring his teenage daughter on an all-adult vacation, we can see why she’s confused.
Redditor Mhaleesi was excited to spend time with her boyfriend on a vacation that he planned for them at his friend’s beach house. Together for less than a year, the trip is supposed to be with all adult couples, which made the OP concerned only because she doesn’t really know any of the other couples. Once she learned that they would have their own bedroom and bathroom for some privacy, she was excited to attend.
But a few weeks later, the boyfriend “casually drops that he’s bringing his 17-year old daughter with us,” the OP shares. This means they’ll all have to sleep in the same bedroom and share the bathroom. While the couple has previously been camping before with his daughter (yes, in the same tent), the OP doesn’t want to make this a habit. “I played along then but don’t want to do it again. It was weird and uncomfortable, but I didn’t protest and made the best of it.”
The OP admits has nothing against the daughter: “She’s a nice kid and I do like her, but I don’t necessarily want to sleep in the same 12×12 area.”
When she confessed to her boyfriend that she’s not comfortable splitting a room with his teen, she also expressed that she didn’t want to offend his daughter, but she’d like some privacy.
For his part, the boyfriend has not responded to the OP in over 24 hours, and she has a hunch she’s “being evaluated.” She also thinks he’s trying to figure out if he’s going to break his promise of a beach vacation to his daughter.
So, the OP took to Reddit to figure out if she’s wrong for not wanting to spend time in these close quarters with her boyfriend and his 17-year-old.
“I don’t understand why you would want to bring a teenager on a trip with all adult couples,” the OP shares. “I also don’t understand why a teenager wouldn’t object to sleeping in the same space as her dad and his new girlfriend herself. It’s awkward.”
She plans on “bailing on the trip, so he can enjoy it with his daughter,” — but took to Reddit wondering, “Am I an asshole?”
Redditor peachwizard was quick to reassure the OP that she was not the wrong one in this situation. “NTA. That’s not an appropriate situation for a minor, with someone she barely knows who honestly also barely knows her dad. Less than a year is not enough time to truly know someone. Not to mention it’s awkward for you, as the only seemingly sensible adult!”
User yes______hornberger not only agreed that the OP was NTA but thinks the boyfriend could easily book another space with more privacy for them all. “NTA. Dude this is super weird. I have a stepfather I absolutely adore, he is my dad in every way except biology. But just the idea of sharing a bedroom with him on a vacation feels…super weird. It’s one thing to have a stepparent who’s been around since your childhood, someone who comes into your life when you’re on the cusp of adulthood is totally different.
“This situation is like tipping. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. And if you can’t afford to pay for separate space and privacy for both your girlfriend and your daughter who is pretty much a stranger, then no you can’t afford to take both on vacation.”
Dating as a single parent has its challenges. While we see how the boyfriend would want to spend some summer vacation time with his daughter, he’s missing the mark when it comes to planning this one. An adult vacation with couples isn’t the most appropriate setting for his 17-year-old daughter, even if the couples are her dad’s friends.
The OP chimed back into the Reddit post and added: “He framed this trip to me as all adults, drinking, at the beach. That means to me, no kids. But my boyfriend has apparently dragged his daughter on these kinds of trips since she was in diapers, and everyone is used to her. I am not sure if they are expecting her or not. It might not be a kids’ trip, but the understanding is that he might bring her anyway per usual. I am not really positive what the situation is. I have never met the people who own the house, and I am the newbie in this friend group.”
We’re not sure what will happen with this couple, but we hope the boyfriend realizes that he should spend quality time with his daughter separately sometimes. It also seems like the OP has no problem dating a man with a daughter, as she expressed, so she’d be more than understanding when they are spending time together.
Or as commenter mfruitfly suggests: “Just bow out of the trip, work instead, and take that money and plan a trip with friends.”
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