Your mother’s love life determines how many romantic partners you have

Your mother’s love life determines how many romantic partners you have: Study finds children inherit their mom’s approach to relationships

  • Researchers studied data on thousands of mothers and children for 24 years
  • They found a correlation between the numbers of partners a mother had and her child
  • The Ohio State team said it’s likely because we learn relationship skills from our mothers
  • We also inherit traits that could influence how we interact with people, like depression 
  • There is no comparable data on fathers so it’s not clear whether the same effect is true, but psychologists told about way they do

Children tend to have the same number of romantic partners that their mother had – whether they witnessed her relationships or not.  

That is according to a study of longitudinal data on more than 7,000 mothers and their biological children in the US since 1979.

Researchers say that the connection is not down to your social status or community, it is most likely that mothers pass relationship skills to their kids, which influence how they interact with everyone, including romantic partners.

There is no longitudinal data on fathers, largely due to the outdated but lingering view that mothers are the most important figure in a household. 

Psychologists told that fathers do have a very profound effect on their kids’ relationships, but since mothers are still the main stay-at-home parent for most Americans, it is likely their influence could still be stronger for now.  

Researchers say the findings, based on data of mothers and children in the US since 1979, show mothers pass relationship skills to their kids, which influence how they interact with everyone

The report, published today in the journal PLoSONE, was based on data on more than 7,000 mothers and their biological children from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 and the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth Child and Young Adult, which tracked the groups for at least 24 years.

The survey featured questions on partnerships, including those they lived with, those they didn’t, those they married, those they divorced. 

It meant the team, led by Claire Kamp Dush, associate professor of human sciences at The Ohio State University, was able to cross-reference relationship patterns in the same family line across generations.    

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Both the number of marriages and the number of cohabiting partners by mothers had similar effects on how many partners their children had, the study found.

Kamp Dush, who has studied marriage trends and traits for years, said that one clear factor is that there are certain heritable traits, such as depression, which impact how we interact with people. 

But our parents also provide a blueprint for how to be a social human being. The adults who raise us show us how to show affection, how to argue, how to apologize, how to introduce yourself, how your interactions may vary with older people or different genders, or neighbors or strangers. 

Those traits, in turn, influence how we conduct relationships, whether we desire relationships or fear them, and how we instinctively act with someone we care about. 

Kamp Dush says that dating has changed a lot – primarily citing the popular theory that ‘our expectations for our partners have gone up over time’ to a ‘ridiculously high’ standard. 

But when it comes to picking someone to date, live with or marry, she believes there are some core elements that stay the same, such as how we critique one another. 

‘I think some of these basic things that drive our satisfaction never change,’ Kamp Dush told 

‘If you observe your mom being very critical to her partner or to you, then you take that into your own intimate relationship. We are learning similar ways of being in relationships from our mothers.’    

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